Prayer in the Face of Difficulty
Ask the friend for love
Ask him again
For I have found that every heart
Will get what it prays for most.
- Hafiz
When offered with presence and sincerity, the
practice of prayer can reveal the source of what your heart most deeply longs
for—the loving essence of who you are. Perhaps without naming it as prayer, in
times of great need and distress you may already spontaneously experience the
act of doing so. For instance, you might find yourself saying something like,
“Oh please, oh please” as you call out for relief from pain, for someone to
take care of you, for help for a loved one, for a way to avoid great loss.
If so, I invite you to investigate your experience
of prayer through mindful inquiry, asking yourself questions such as: What is the immediate feeling that gave rise
to my prayer? What am I praying for? Whom or what am I praying to? The more
aware you become of how you pray spontaneously, the more you might open to a
more intentional practice. Below are some guidelines I offer my students for
deepening their inquiry:
1. Posture
for prayer: You might begin by asking yourself, If I bring my palms together
at my heart, do I feel connected with my sincerity and openness? What happens
if I close my eyes? If I bow my head? Find out whether these traditional
supports for prayer serve you. If they don’t, explore what other positions or
gestures feel the most conducive to openheartedness.
2.
Arriving: Even when you’re in the thick of very strong emotion, it’s
possible and valuable to pause and establish a sense of prayerful presence. After
you’ve assumed whatever posture most suits you, allow yourself to come into
stillness, then take a few long and full breaths to collect your attention.
After a while, as your breath resumes its natural rhythm, take some moments to
relax any obvious tension in your body. Feel yourself here, now, with the
intention to pray.
3. Listening: With the intention of fully contacting your felt experience, bring a
listening attention to your heart, and to whatever in your life feels most
difficult right now. It might be a recent or impending loss, or a situation
that summons hurt, confusion, doubt, or fear. As if watching a movie, focus on the
frame of the film that’s most emotionally painful. Be aware of the felt sense
in your body—in your throat, chest, belly, and elsewhere. Where are your
feelings the strongest? Take your time, allowing yourself to fully contact your
vulnerability and pain.
You might
even imagine that you could inhabit the most vulnerable place within you,
feeling it intimately from the inside. If it could express itself, what would
it communicate? Buried inside the pain, what does this part of you want or need
most? Is it to be seen and understood? Loved? Accepted? Safe? Is your longing
directed toward a certain person or spiritual figure? Do you long to be held by
your mother? Recognized and approved of by your father? Healed or protected by
God? Whatever the need, let yourself listen to it, feel it, and open to its
intensity.
4. Expressing Your Prayer: With a silent or whispered prayer, call out
for the love, understanding, protection, or acceptance you long for. You might
find yourself saying, “Please, may I be better, kinder, and more worthy.” Or
you might direct your prayer to another person or being: “Daddy, please don’t
leave me.” “Mommy, please help me.” “God, take care of my daughter, please,
please, let her be okay.” You might feel separate from someone and call out his
or her name, saying, “Please love me, please love me.” You might long for your
heart to awaken and call out to the bodhisattva of compassion (Kwan-yin),
“Please, may this heart open and be free.”
As you express your prayer in words, while staying in direct contact with your vulnerability and felt sense of longing, your prayer will continue to deepen. Say your prayer several times with all the sincerity of your heart. Find out what happens if you give yourself totally to feeling and expressing your longing.
5. Embodying Prayer: Often our particular want or longing isn’t the full expression of what
we actually desire. Similarly, the object of our longing, the person we call on
for love or protection, may not offer
what we truly need. Rather, these are portals to a deeper experience, an
opening to a deeper source.
As you
feel your wants and longing, ask yourself, “What
is the experience I yearn for? If I got what I wanted, what would it feel
like?”
Use you
imagination to find out. If you want a particular person to love you, visualize
that person hugging you and looking at you with unconditional love. Then, let
go of any image of that person and feel inwardly that you are being bathed in
love. If you want to feel safe, imagine that you are entirely surrounded by a
protective presence, and really feel that peace and ease filling your every
cell. Whatever you’re longing for,
explore what it would be like to experience its pure essence as a felt sense in
your body, heart, and mind. Finally, discover what happens when you surrender
into this experience, when you become the love or peace that you’re longing
for.
6. Throughout the Day: While your formal exploration of prayer can
create the grounds for weaving shorter prayers into your life, remembering to
pray in the midst of daily activities can help you become aligned with the
kindness and wisdom of your heart. Here are some suggestions:
· At the beginning of the day, set your
intention by asking yourself, What situations, emotions, or reactions might be
a signal to pray?
· Before praying, take a moment to pause,
breathe, and relax. While it is helpful to become still, there’s no need to
assume a particular posture.
· Pay attention to your body and heart,
contacting the felt sense of your emotions. What are you most longing for? What
most matters in this moment, and in your life, to open to—to feel and trust?
· Mentally whisper your prayer. The words might
come spontaneously, or you might express a prayer you’ve already discovered
that’s alive and meaningful to you.
Adapted
from True Refuge (January 2013)
Enjoy this talk on: Finding Freedom in Difficult Moments
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