tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28388609829273532112024-03-05T16:08:31.694-05:00Tara BrachTara Brachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14718423945945110743noreply@blogger.comBlogger139125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2838860982927353211.post-3266747453443179752019-10-13T00:25:00.001-04:002019-10-13T00:35:25.843-04:00Tara Brach: Belonging to Each Other, Part 1Mother Teresa writes that if we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. These two talks explore the
causes for severed belonging, and pathways to deepening the felt sense of belonging to our own body, heart and spirit, and to all beings. Together the talks offer a natural and powerful progression of lovingkindness or metta reflections, that when practiced regularly can
open us to the peace, joy and freedom of trusting our mutual belonging.<br />
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"Vitally, the human race is dying. It is like a great uprooted tree, with its roots in the air. We must plant ourselves again in the universe.” ― D.H. Lawrence<br />
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"The essence of lovingkindness is this openhearted quality of friendliness. It’s sacred. It’s precious. As Mother Teresa described it, when we sense that belonging that comes with friendship, we really touch peace.<br />
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We close in that spirit to sense in your own heart the intention to befriend the life that’s within you. And take a moment to hold the life within you with the quality of care. Feel in your own words your prayer to befriend this life – to love yourself into healing.<br />
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Widening our attention to sense those in our lives – those close in, those that we don’t know, all beings – to sense that intention to discover our belonging to all of life everywhere. And in that discovery to know the joy and peace and freedom of being awake and alive." ~ Tara<br />
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Listen: <a href="https://www.tarabrach.com/belonging-to-each-other-pt-1/" target="_blank">https://www.tarabrach.com/belonging-to-each-other-pt-1/ </a>Tara Brachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14718423945945110743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2838860982927353211.post-76319614734913123282018-06-30T20:52:00.001-04:002018-07-01T14:13:23.926-04:00Tara Brach: Evolving Beyond “Unreal Othering”<br />
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What motivates us – as individuals and as a society – to build walls and knowingly hurt others? This talk explores the evolutionary roots of “unreal othering” and how when we are hijacked by fear, it can take over and disconnect us from the very real suffering of others. We then look at how meditative strategies awaken us from othering, and reveal our intrinsic belonging. Finally, we apply this to our own lives in a reflection that helps us respond to someone we have turned into “unreal other” with compassion and wisdom.<br />
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Listen: <a href="https://www.tarabrach.com/evolving-beyond-unreal-othering/">https://www.tarabrach.com/evolving-beyond-unreal-othering/</a>Tara Brachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14718423945945110743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2838860982927353211.post-54106624446003515842018-05-19T13:07:00.001-04:002018-05-19T13:07:26.532-04:00Relaxing by day, Sleeping at night: Finding Inner Stillness and Ease - Tara BrachMore than one-third of adults in the U.S. don't get enough sleep, and studies have shown that mindfulness can make a positive difference. When we effectively quiet the mind and relax the body, sleep comes naturally. By being well-rested, we are better able to respond to the demands of our lives with intelligence and kindness, resilience and grace. This guided meditation will help cultivate access to relaxed attentiveness and a pathway to ease-filled sleep.<br />
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Listen: <a href="https://www.tarabrach.com/meditation-relaxing-sleep/" target="_blank">https://www.tarabrach.com/meditation-relaxing-sleep/</a><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/OfxTy5v7yIA" width="480"></iframe>Tara Brachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14718423945945110743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2838860982927353211.post-15116144241722228432018-05-19T13:01:00.001-04:002018-05-19T13:03:25.501-04:00Seeing Basic Goodness, Part I - with Tara BrachMost of us long to trust our goodness, but get caught in stories of deficiency and striving to affirm we’re okay. These talks look at the block to realizing the loving awareness that is our essence, and the practices that help us see this essential goodness—in ourselves, dear ones and in those we might habitually consider different or “other.” Both talks include reflections that can help us appreciate the basic goodness that lives through these precious, changing forms.<br />
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“Saints are what they are, not because their sanctity makes them <br />
admirable to others, but because the gift of sainthood makes it possible<br />
for them to admire everyone else.” -Thomas Merton<br />
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Listen: <a href="https://www.tarabrach.com/seeing-basic-goodness-part-1/">https://www.tarabrach.com/seeing-basic-goodness-part-1/</a> <br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/a2lcXlQjLFM" width="480"></iframe>Tara Brachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14718423945945110743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2838860982927353211.post-37131264675127126642018-02-17T21:13:00.000-05:002018-02-17T21:25:58.231-05:00When the News Makes Us Miserable: Remembering A Fuller Presence and Larger Truth<div class="MsoNormal">
People ask me regularly about how spiritual practice can
guide us in responding to the state of our society. They tell me that while the
teachings of compassion are alive and helpful in other parts of their lives,
they seem out of reach when they read the headlines each day. In a recent
e-mail from one of our DC community Spiritual Friends groups, members asked:</div>
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<ul>
<li>How do we stay compassionate when it feels like so much harm
is being caused to vulnerable people?</li>
<li>Isn’t acceptance a kind of complacency? Isn’t “letting go”
like condoning?</li>
<li>How do we call on meditation practice when we’ve become
fearful, angry and disheartened at the hatefulness and viciousness that is so
evident in our society?</li>
</ul>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwIBMEKjveYh2z8CuPyNooOZWN3b94QpIvrcd_XnnivL8gd5S1fqRzVgarATShhyjjR_UeKCWIAuZIqVNZd1DvePhvk0d0tdFU0o2TGeF0NwH-ZO9gutXnxd7E_tnGGf_b8x17NOEFOXnv/s1600/screen_shot_2018-01-24_at_10.19.25_pm.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="271" data-original-width="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwIBMEKjveYh2z8CuPyNooOZWN3b94QpIvrcd_XnnivL8gd5S1fqRzVgarATShhyjjR_UeKCWIAuZIqVNZd1DvePhvk0d0tdFU0o2TGeF0NwH-ZO9gutXnxd7E_tnGGf_b8x17NOEFOXnv/s1600/screen_shot_2018-01-24_at_10.19.25_pm.png" /></a>I’ve had many waves of anger, fear, and aversion in reaction
to the harm being perpetrated in our society. In my own practice, it helps to
keep starting right where I am, not judging my own reactions, thinking “I
shouldn’t feel this.” Rather than trying to let go of these feelings, I often
reflect that “this belongs,” it’s the inner weather of the moment. Then I can
feel the fear or aversion with acceptance and kindness.<o:p></o:p></div>
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This also allows me to listen to the message of the
emotions. Reactions of horror and outrage can be healthy and intelligent. They
alert us to the very real suffering around us and they help move us toward
action. When we accept and mindfully open to these emotions, they unfold to
reveal the deep caring that is underneath. But this doesn’t happen if our minds
fixate on stories of bad other. If we are lost in our stories, we are lost in
our own egoic reactivity. To listen to the emotions and respond from our most
awake heart, we need to make the U-Turn, coming out of stories and back to our
vulnerability and our tender heart.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I often tell the story of a person walking in the woods and
coming upon a little dog. The dog seems harmless enough, but when they reach
out to pet the dog, it growls and lunges at them. The immediate response is
fear and anger, but then they notice that the dog has its leg caught in a trap
and compassion begins to rise up in the place of the anger. Once we see how our
own leg is in a trap and hold our experience with self-compassion, it becomes
easier to see how others might be caught, too—causing suffering, because they
are suffering.<o:p></o:p></div>
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One misunderstanding is that acceptance and compassion
amount to condoning, complacency, or resignation. On the contrary, true
acceptance is a courageous willingness to face reality as it is right now, and
compassion brings tenderness to the life of the moment. Only with this
radically allowing and tender presence can we respond from our full
intelligence and heart.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Of course, in the darkest of days, it is often not possible
to open to what’s going on inside us with a compassionate presence. Again, we
simply start where we are, bringing mindful recognition and acceptance to our
closed hearts—this, too, belongs. Our intention to pay attention, our intention
to be kind, will eventually allow our heart to relax open.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Consciousness is evolving. Even amidst the great limbic
outbreak of our current times, we can also witness a growing interest in
awakening awareness, in spiritual practice and in living aligned with our
hearts. There is a dialectic at work: Suffering is necessary to fuel
transformation.<o:p></o:p></div>
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In a small group meeting at a recent meditation retreat,
some women shared their stories of pain and trauma caused by sexual harassment.
One male who was participating said sadly, “When are these guys going to wake
up and stop hurting people?” A few days later, after listening to Oprah give
her speech at the Golden Globes, he had a rush of realization: “This is the
turning point. We’re in a defining moment, and need to pay attention! The
victims are speaking out and allies are awakening. There is hope for today and,
perhaps, tomorrow.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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There is hope. Ultimately, the sacred feminine—the wisdom
and love that cherishes life—is unfolding and flowering in our collective
awareness. Compassion and forgiveness are increasingly researched, trained in,
practiced. There’s no turning back this awakening. In time, the shadow emotions
will transmute into an increasingly pure expression of our wise hearts.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Finally, it’s essential to respond actively whenever possible
and to stay in good touch with others who care. Our shared caring is what keeps
hope alive in difficult times—it’s the strongest medicine. Here’s a quote from
contemporary Bodhisattva, Fred Rogers:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” To this day, especially in times of disaster, I remember my mother’s words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers—so many caring people in this world.</i><br />
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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We are not alone. People all over the globe share the same
longing for a more loving, just, and peaceful world. People everywhere are
opening to the sense of our true belonging with each other and all of life.<o:p></o:p></div>
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May the suffering of our times awaken our deepest
understanding and compassion;<br />
and may we respond in a way that serves healing and
freedom...<br />
<br /></div>
Tara Brachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14718423945945110743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2838860982927353211.post-6436733823057762092018-02-17T20:51:00.001-05:002018-02-17T21:28:25.494-05:00Soul Sadness: Grieving Our Unlived Lives<div class="MsoNormal">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTAowlTT3gnZs_v6r6ijMfLv7RuDPagnO1X-DCtPIccbUZC6oymUJD_uYS6By38HCsW2yp2jUoo_kcrzgp65IhbvV92wKPXLS_wAJJlI-j4jpjK8MarG6BVgmqX3fG0fSOQz2bZ4aXYtzp/s1600/sea-2915187_480.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="213" data-original-width="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTAowlTT3gnZs_v6r6ijMfLv7RuDPagnO1X-DCtPIccbUZC6oymUJD_uYS6By38HCsW2yp2jUoo_kcrzgp65IhbvV92wKPXLS_wAJJlI-j4jpjK8MarG6BVgmqX3fG0fSOQz2bZ4aXYtzp/s1600/sea-2915187_480.jpg" /></a></div>
Marge, a woman in our meditation community, was in a painful
standoff with her teenage son. At 15, Micky was in a downward spiral of
skipping classes and using drugs, and had just been suspended for smoking
marijuana on school grounds. While Marge blamed herself—she was the parent,
after all—she was also furious at him.<br />
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The piercings she hadn’t approved, the lies, stale smell of
cigarettes, and earphones that kept him in his own removed world—every
interaction with Micky left her feeling powerless, angry, and afraid. The more
she tried to take control with her criticism with “groundings” and other ways
of setting limits, the more withdrawn and defiant Micky became. When she came
in for a counseling session, she wanted to talk about why the entire situation
was really her fault.<o:p></o:p></div>
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An attorney with a large firm, Marge felt she’d let her
career get in the way of attentive parenting. She’d divorced Micky’s father
when the boy was entering kindergarten and her new partner, Jan, had moved in
several years later. More often than not, it was Jan, not Marge, who went to
PTA meetings and soccer games. It was Jan who was there when Micky got home
from school. Recently, the stress had peaked when a new account increased
Marge’s hours at work.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“I wish I’d been there for him more,” she said. “I love him,
I’ve tried, but now it is impossible to reach him. I’m so afraid he is going to
create a train wreck out of his life.” I heard the despair in her voice. When
she fell silent, I invited her to sit quietly for a few moments. “You might
notice whatever feelings you’re aware of, and when you’re ready, name them out
loud.” When she spoke again, Marge’s tone was flat. “Anger—at him, at me, who
knows. Fear—he’s ruining his life. Guilt, shame—so much shame, for screwing up
as a mother.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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I asked her softly if it would be okay to take some time to
investigate the shame. She nodded. “You might start by agreeing to let it be
there, sensing where you feel it most in your body.” Again she nodded, and a
few moments later, put one hand on her heart and another on her belly. “Good,”
I said. “Keep letting yourself feel the shame, and sense if there is something
it wants to say. What is it believing about you, about your life?”<o:p></o:p></div>
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It was a while before Marge spoke. “The shame says that I
let everyone down. I’m so caught up in myself, what’s important to me. It’s not
just Micky, it’s Jan, and Rick (her ex-husband), and my mom, and...I’m selfish
and too ambitious. I disappoint everyone I care about.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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“How long have you felt this way, that you’ve let everyone
down?” I asked. She said, “As long as I can remember. Even as a little girl.
I’ve always felt I was failing people, that I didn’t deserve love. Now I run
around trying to achieve things, trying to be worthy, and I end up failing
those I love the most!”<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Take a moment, Marge, and let the feeling of failing
people, of being undeserving of love, be as big as it really is.” After a few
moments, she said, “It’s like a sore tugging feeling in my heart.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Now,” I said, “sense what it’s like to know that even as a
little girl—for as long as you can remember—you’ve lived with this pain of not
deserving love, lived with this sore tugging in your heart. Sense what that has
done to your life.” Marge grew very still and then began silently weeping.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Marge was experiencing what I call “soul sadness,” the
sadness that arises when we’re able to sense our temporary, precious existence,
and directly face the suffering that’s come from losing life. We recognize how
our self-aversion has prevented us from being close to others, from expressing
and letting love in. We see, sometimes with striking clarity, that we’ve closed
ourselves off from our own creativity and spontaneity, from being fully alive.
We remember missed moments when it might have been otherwise, and we begin to
grieve our unlived life.<o:p></o:p></div>
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This grief can be so painful that we tend, unconsciously, to
move away from it. Even if we start to touch our sadness, we often bury it by
reentering the shame—judging our suffering, assuming that we somehow deserve
it, telling ourselves that others have “real suffering” and we shouldn’t be
filled with self-pity. Our soul sadness is fully revealed only when we directly
and mindfully contact our pain. It is revealed when we stay on the spot and
fully recognize that this human being is having a hard time. In such moments,
we discover a natural upwelling of compassion—the tenderness of our own
forgiving heart.<o:p></o:p></div>
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When Marge’s crying subsided, I suggested she ask the place
of sorrow what it longed for most. She knew right away: “To trust that I’m
worthy of love in my life.” I invited her to once again place one hand on her
heart and another on her belly, letting the gentle pressure of her touch
communicate care. “Now sense whatever message most resonates for you, and send
it inwardly. Allow the energy of the message to bathe and comfort all the
places in your being that need to hear it.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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After a couple of minutes of this, Marge took a few full
breaths. Her expression was serene, undefended. “This feels right,” she said
quietly, “being kind to my own hurting heart.” Marge had looked beyond her
fault to her need. She was healing herself with compassion.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Before she left, I suggested she pause whenever she became
aware of guilt or shame, and take a moment to reconnect with self-compassion.
If she was in a private place, she could gently touch her heart and belly, and
let that contact deepen her communication with her inner life. I also
encouraged her to include the metta (lovingkindness) practice for herself and
her son in her daily meditation: “You’ll find that self-compassion will open
you to feeling more loving.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Six weeks later, Marge and I met again. She told me that at
the end of her daily meditation, she’d started doing metta for herself,
reminding herself of her honesty, sincerity, and longing to love well. Then
she’d offer herself wishes, most often reciting, “May I accept myself just as I
am. May I be filled with loving-kindness, held in lovingkindness.” After a few
minutes, she’d then bring her son to mind: “I would see how his eyes light up
when he gets animated, and how happy he looks when he laughs. Then I’d say,
‘May you feel happy. May you feel relaxed and at ease. May you feel my love
now.’ With each phrase I’d imagine him happy, relaxed, feeling held in my
love.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Their interactions started to change. She went out early on
Saturday mornings to pick up his favorite “everything” bagels before he woke
up. He brought out the trash unasked. They watched several episodes of The Wire
together on TV. Then, Marge told me, “A few nights ago, he came into my home
office, made himself comfortable on the couch, and said nonchalantly, ‘What’s
up, Mom? Just thought I’d check in.’”<o:p></o:p></div>
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“It wasn’t exactly an extended chat,” she said with a smile.
“He suddenly sprang up and told me he had to meet some friends at the mall. But
we’re more at ease, a door has reopened.” Marge was thoughtful for a few
moments, then said, “I understand what happened. By letting go of the
blame—most of which I was aiming at myself—I created room for both of us in my
heart.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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As Marge was discovering, self-compassion is entirely
interdependent with acting responsibly and caringly toward others. Forgiving
ourselves clears the way for a loving presence that can appreciate the goodness
of others, and respond to their hurts and needs. And, in turn, our way of
relating to others affects how we regard ourselves and supports our ongoing
self-forgiveness.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , "dejavu sans" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Adapted from </span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0553807625/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0553807625&linkCode=as2&tag=tarbra-20" target="_blank"><em style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, "DejaVu Sans", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; transition: color 0.2s; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="transition: color 0.2s;">True Refuge: Finding Peace and Freedom in Your Own Awakened Heart</span></em> </a></div>
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</div>
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Please enjoy this short video: <i><a href="https://youtu.be/i6T4C292fJI" target="_blank">Remembering Self-Compassion</a></i></div>
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<!--EndFragment-->Tara Brachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14718423945945110743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2838860982927353211.post-11675390390947421792017-09-22T21:57:00.001-04:002017-09-22T21:59:41.846-04:00De-Conditioning the Hungry Ghosts: Bringing Mindfulness and Self-Compassion to Craving and Addiction<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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In Buddhist cosmology, one of the psychic domains that is described is the Realm of the Hungry Ghosts. The hungry ghost figures are depicted with scrawny little necks and huge bellies — riddled with powerful desires they can never really satisfy. Nearly everyone I know struggles with their own version of the hungry ghost syndrome.<br />
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In a very human way, desires are natural and wholesome. They are necessary for us to survive and flourish. The challenge is that, to the degree that our basic needs for safety, bonding, and a healthy sense of our value are unmet, desire contracts and we become fixated on substitutes. Whether it’s alcohol or drugs, or perfectionism, or approval, it catches and confines us. It creates tremendous pain and stops us from living from a deeper sense of presence and love.<br />
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William C. Moyers, well known for his work in the field of addiction and for his own poignant struggle with the disease, spoke at an MIT conference several years ago. He said:<br />
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"I have an illness with origins in the brain, but I also suffer with the other component of this illness. I was born with what I like to call a hole in my soul, a pain that came from the reality that I just wasn’t good enough. That I wasn’t deserving enough. That you weren’t paying attention to me all the time. That maybe you didn’t like me enough… For us addicts, recovery is more than just taking a pill or maybe getting a shot. Recovery is also about the spirit, about dealing with that hole in the soul." [1]<br />
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This is the very core of the hungry ghost. On a deep level, we sense that we are disconnected from others, and devoid of basic goodness. We chase after substitutes that can’t possibly fill that hollowness inside us. Like drinking salt water to quench our thirst, the substitutes never satisfy the deeper need. Then, sensing our neediness and the futility of our grasping, we heap on another layering of self-hate. Buddhists call this shame and self-aversion the <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/finding-true-refuge/201705/the-wisdom-its-not-my-fault"><i>second arrow</i></a>. Not only are we caught in the pain of craving, we are condemning ourselves for it. When we are stuck in this craving, shame and addictive looping, we cannot be present for our moments. Always wanting something different, we miss out on the life that is right here.<br />
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The layer of aversive self-judgment fuels the suffering of the hungry ghost more than anything else I know. I have never seen anyone heal an addiction without addressing shame in a very profound way. Finding a way to remove the layer of self-blame allows us to begin to work with the deeper needs — for safety, gratification and connection — that are calling for our attention. The good news is that, no matter how we are caught, mindfulness and self-compassion can bring us home.<br />
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<b>Reflection:</b><br />
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You might take a short pause right now, and think about some way that you regularly get hooked into an addictive pattern and then turn on yourself because of it — taking a moment to really contact the place of shame and self-aversion and be with it. Can you sense what it most needs? You might experiment with a soothing <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/finding-true-refuge/201310/gesture-kindness"><i>gesture of kindness</i></a> . . . a hand on your heart or on your cheek. If you could offer one message, from the highest, most evolved part of yourself, to that place of shame, what would be most helpful?<br />
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A favorite phrase of mine is: Love is always loving you. Other simple messages might be: Forgive yourself or It is not your fault or It’s okay, Sweetheart.<br />
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Whatever we practice regularly is strengthened. When met with compassion, the hungry ghost begins to lose its power. When we notice and understand the triggers behind the addictive looping, we become more conscious and can make different choices about how we respond. If we practice going after substitutes, we strengthen those pathways. But the invitation here is that, in any moment, we can notice what is happening and choose to pause and bring a real tenderness to the parts of us that feel ashamed and empty…the hole in our soul. We can remember that love is always loving us. We can touch a quality of grace and tenderness that can hold us. Practicing mindfulness and self-compassion can free our hearts from the suffering and shame of the hungry ghost.<br />
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The poet Rumi writes:<br />
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"This is how a human being can change:<br />
There's a worm addicted to eating grape leaves.<br />
Suddenly, he wakes up...<br />
Call it grace, whatever,<br />
something wakes him,<br />
and he's no longer a worm.<br />
He's the entire vineyard,<br />
And the orchard too,<br />
The fruit, the trunks, a<br />
Growing wisdom and joy<br />
That doesn't need to devour." [2]<br />
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Adapted from Tara's talk <a href="https://www.tarabrach.com/healing-addiction/"><i>Healing Addiction: De-conditioning the Hungry Ghosts</i></a> (March 29, 2017)<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>References:</b><br />[1] Moyers, W. C. (2006, May 08). Speech presented in The Open Mind Series: On Addiction at The Picower Institute for Learning and Memory at MIT, Cambridge, MA.<br />[2] Rūmī, J. A. (1997). The Worm's Waking (M. Green, Ed.; C. Barks, Trans.). In The Illuminated Rūmī (p. 25). New York, NY: Broadway Books.</span></div>
Tara Brachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14718423945945110743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2838860982927353211.post-63314269985374894672017-08-16T07:00:00.000-04:002020-02-27T19:49:58.783-05:00Relaxing the Over-Controller: Letting Life Be Just As It Is<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">We are designed through evolution to protect and further ourselves. While this is universal, if you look closely at your life, you might find that the navigating ego goes beyond the call. Have you noticed how many life moments are devoted to navigating obstacles and solving problems? How often your mind is worrying about something, anticipating what’s around the corner, preparing for what might go wrong? I call this mind-set the Over-Controller, and the more we feel threatened, the more the Over-Controller is on duty.</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Recognizing the Suffering of the Over-Controller</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The suffering comes when our effort to be in control becomes chronic and we forget who we really are. The Over-Controller is addicted to doing. An image that comes to mind is Sisyphus pushing the boulder up the hill and then just watching it roll down over and over again. When we’re pushing the boulder — pre-occupied, straining to get somewhere else — we forget the consciousness, the tender heart-space, that is right in every moment. Identified as a human doing rather than a human being, we miss out on feeling fully connected and alive.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">If you want to find the expressions of the Over-Controller in your life, look to the places where you are most stressed. That is where the Over-Controller jumps out in most vivid form. When we are in control mode, we judge and try to manipulate ourselves and others into being different in some way. The result of regular overdoing is chronic fatigue, even exhaustion. There is no room to breathe, no rest. We lose access to our own creativity and natural intelligence. We can’t feel our own loneliness or sadness or yearning because the Over-Controller is not living in the present moment.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The most obvious flag of the Over-Controller is obsessive thinking, with a fixation on perceived problems: There is a problem here. Things should be different. You should be different. I should be different. “Should” is a word that the Over-Controller lives on, and whenever there is a should, it is an argument with reality. The need for certainty and the clinging to strong opinions and views inevitably leads to a deep suffering of the Over-Controller: conflict with others and conflict with ourselves. Sadly, our fear-driven effort to control life creates separation from even those most dear.</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Waking Up from the Trance of the Over-Controller</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">How do we relax the Over-Controller when we are most activated and stressed? How do we shift from being inside the identity of a controlling, wanting, fearing self into a compassionate witness that can see what is going on and knows how to rest and just be?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The first step is that we have to intentionally recognize the Over-Controller in action. Then, the trick is to relate to the Over-Controller not from the Over-Controller. This fear based part of your evolutionary inheritance is trying to help you, even though not in the most strategically wise way. If you can witness and relate to it from a space of compassion and presence, then you can loosen the identity.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">A metaphor that may be helpful for some is to imagine that you are in a row boat, rowing desperately and exhausted by the intensity of the currents. You are feeling both like the victim of the winds and also the controller trying to make it through. Now compare that with pausing for some moments, putting aside the oars and allowing the sail of presence to unfurl. While the winds are out of our control, ultimately they carry us.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">One woman, a busy, stressed executive with a young son, was often trying to keep to a very tight schedule and would impatiently push her son to hurry up: “Eat your breakfast! We have to get you to child care!” Or: “We’ve got to shop really quickly and get home!” One day, she was diagnosed with a serious malignancy and she learned that had a year to live. She described how that shifted things and her mantra became: I have no time to rush.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">It gets very clear, when we are facing the changing seasons of life, that the love and homecoming we seek is only available in moments of being. In the space of this open presence, the light of the universe shines through. Intuiting this, our longing and commitment deepens to relax the Over-Controller.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Just as it’s natural to get addicted to controlling, it’s part of our evolutionary potential to witness this and awaken from the trance. If we can bring curiosity and humor — Oh, there it is! Obsessing on problems again! Pushing the boulder! Thinking things should be different! — without adding judgment, then we create some space to let go of the doing and just be. In that space, we remember the truth and vastness and mystery of who we are.</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Reflection:</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Consider what it would be like to let go of all ideas of something is wrong. Ask yourself: If there truly is no problem, right this moment, what is here? Who am I? What is the experience? And then, with that gentle intention to let go of any doing, letting everything be, just as it is…</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">These are the words of poet, Danna Faulds:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">“Settle in the here and now.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Reach down into the center</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">where the world is not spinning</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">and drink this holy peace.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Feel relief flood into every</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">cell. Nothing to do. Nothing</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">to be but what you are already.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Nothing to receive but what</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">flows effortlessly from the</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">mystery into form.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Nothing to run from or run</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">toward. Just this breath,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Awareness knowing itself as</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">embodiment. Just this breath,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">awareness waking up to truth." [1]</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Adapted from: <b><i><a data-cke-saved-href="https://www.tarabrach.com/relaxing-over-controller/" href="https://www.tarabrach.com/relaxing-over-controller/" style="text-decoration: none; transition: color 0.2s;" target="_blank">Relaxing the Over-Controller, Part One</a></i></b>, a talk given by Tara Brach on April 26, 2017</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-small;">[1] Faulds, D. (2006). Awareness Knowing Itself. In From Root to Bloom: Yoga Poems and Other Writings (p. 17). Kearney, NE: Morris Publishing.</span></div>
Tara Brachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14718423945945110743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2838860982927353211.post-42052946139841836892017-08-09T07:00:00.000-04:002017-08-09T07:00:10.010-04:00The Wisdom of "It's Not My Fault": Finding Freedom When We are Caught in Self-Blame<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I sometimes think that the most basic truths are the ones that we most regularly forget, and one of them is: If we are turned on ourselves, we cannot love this life. The turning on ourselves contracts us. In those moments, we are disconnected from our inner life and from each other. We move through the day with an undercurrent of <i>I’m not okay,</i> but are unaware of how much it’s affecting our capacity to relax and enjoy our moments.</span></div>
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<strong><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The Second Arrow of Self-Blame</span></strong></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">In Buddhist teachings, the Buddha described two arrows. The first arrow is the natural experience that arises in this human animal that we are, for example: fear, aggression, greed, craving. The second arrow is self-aversion for the fact of the first arrow. We have the experience of being nasty, selfish or greedy, and we don’t like ourselves for that. That’s the second arrow. The Buddha says: “The first arrow hurts, why do we shoot the second arrow into us, ourselves?” And yet we do. He goes on to say: “In life, we cannot always control the first arrow; however, the second arrow is our reaction to the first. The second arrow is optional.” The first arrow arises from causes and conditions beyond our control. But when we learn to release the judgment and self-blame that we experience in response to the first arrow, the second arrow becomes completely avoidable.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">In order to be able to really bring compassion and friendliness to the first arrow, we must first understand that what is happening inside of us is a natural part of our survival conditioning. It is part of being human, and is really not our fault. Now, you might be thinking: <em>Wait a minute! If I believe that it’s not my fault, how will I ever be accountable or responsible? </em></span></div>
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<strong><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Causes and Conditions: Forces Beyond Our Control</span></strong></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The things that we most hate about ourselves are shaped by innumerable forces: They are conditioned by the primitive brain’s habits of aggression and craving, and amplified by genetic tendencies from past generations and the prevailing stories and mindset of our surrounding culture. We didn’t choose any of this. For instance, research is finding more and more that genetics affect a huge amount of our experience, right down to our “happiness quotient” and whether we are early or late risers. Other conditioning happens over the course of our life-experiences, whether we have been traumatized or abused or, perhaps, have suffered the less quantifiable kinds of deficits in attention, understanding, care and attunement from our care-givers. It’s very interesting to look at how the ways our parents or care-givers treated us are internalized and then that is how we end up treating ourselves.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Fifteen or sixteen years ago, I went shopping with one of my fellow teachers at the <a data-cke-saved-href="http://www.imcw.org" href="http://www.imcw.org/" style="color: #30529e; text-decoration: none; transition: color 0.2s;">Insight Meditation Community of Washington</a>. We wanted to have a Buddha for our meditation community. We found a lovely Buddha with a kind an androgynous look and you could see the feminine and the masculine archetypes. We fell for it, and were excited to bring it into our sangha. The first Wednesday night, I introduced everybody to it and afterwards, I noticed that people were standing and, as they were looking at it, they were leaning a bit to the left. One person came over to me and she said, “Tara, it’s beautiful, but the cast is to the left. It’s leaning.” And so it was. It was an imperfect Buddha—a leaning Buddha. And I thought it was one of the coolest, most helpful teachings for our meditation community. This Buddha, that is still part of our community today, is a lovely Buddha, and it is subject to conditions that are beyond its control—somebody made a leaning cast. It’s not the Buddha’s fault.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So, there are all of the forces at play that are completely out of our control, but we take them personally, like they are our fault. There is a stuck place, where our primitive brain and body activity—fear, aggression, craving—becomes <em>my</em> fear, <em>my </em>aggression, <em>my</em> craving. Rather than being universal wiring in our nervous system, we get this feeling that what we are experiencing is uniquely ours. But when these experiences of anxiety, fear, jealousy, resentment, anger, aggression and so on arise in us, if we can get even a glimmer of understanding that it’s part of the human condition—it’s not <em>my</em> fear, it’s <em>the</em> fear—that shift can create the willingness, flexibility and gentleness that makes space for very deep healing to occur. </span></div>
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<strong><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The Wisdom of <em>It’s Not My Fault</em></span></strong></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When we can say,"It’s not my fault", it actually enables us to be more responsible and more accountable. It’s the self-blame that actually locks us into repeating the patterning. Realizing that the first arrow is out of our control and releasing self-blame is the beginning of bringing forth the awareness that can free us from the pain of the second arrow.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You might bring to mind some situation that brings up self-blame, something that is hard to accept or hard to forgive. Some place where you’re caught in disliking yourself.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Now begin to shine the light of awareness on the edginess, the tightness around the heart, by sensing: <em>Is this really my fault?</em> See if you can sense that, like the leaning Buddha, there are conditions that you didn’t sign on for: the fears, anger and wants shaped by genetics, culture, life-experiences. And then see if you can open to the possibility that the first arrow—the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that are driven by these feelings—is just part of this human inheritance. You didn’t choose this.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When we are not caught in self-blame, we are free to love this life. Opening to the possibility of It’s not my fault creates space for true intimacy with our world and deep inner freedom. When our actions arise from this openhearted presence, they naturally bring healing and nourishment to others.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Adapted from: <em><a href="https://www.tarabrach.com/releasing-self-blame/" target="_blank">Releasing Self-Blame:Pathways to a Forgiving Heart</a>,</em> a talk given by Tara Brach on April 13, 2016. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">For more talks and guided meditations from Tara Brach, visit <a data-cke-saved-href="http://www.tarabrach.com" href="http://www.tarabrach.com/" style="color: #30529e; text-decoration: none; transition: color 0.2s;">www.tarabrach.com</a></span></div>
Tara Brachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14718423945945110743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2838860982927353211.post-63291085768459247052017-08-02T07:00:00.000-04:002017-08-02T07:00:31.094-04:00Soul Recovery: Healing the Shame of Trauma<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">In Shamanistic cultures, it is believed that when a person is traumatized, their soul leaves their body as a way to protect itself from intolerable pain. In a process known as Soul Retrieval, trusted community members surround the person with tremendous love and safety. In this sacred space, the soul is invited back in so the person can become whole.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When Our Coping Strategies Fail</span></h4>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">In the simplest terms, trauma happens when our nervous system becomes overwhelmed and our most primal coping strategies fail. If we are unable to fight or flee what is attacking us, we freeze and disconnect or dissociate in a way that the unprocessed fear gets locked into our body. We become “stuck” in a biological state of stress, fear and reactivity, leading to chronic anxiety, depression, addictions and, often, the constellation of symptoms that we call PTSD.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This process of disconnecting and living with reactivity to the unprocessed fear is not a rational choice. Rather it’s a coping strategy that is driven by our limbic system because, when traumatized, we don’t have access to the reason, compassion and mindfulness of our more recently evolved brain. Nor, when traumatized, do we have access to the potential care and safety offered by others.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Yet sadly, the most painful layer of suffering that surrounds trauma is shame. We blame ourselves for the ways our body and nervous system found to survive. The process of recovery is to awaken self-compassion and reconnect with our natural aliveness and that lost, sacred sense of spirit.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Cultivating Love and Safety</span></h4>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When teaching meditation, we talk a lot about directly contacting the reality of this moment with kindness and clarity. When working with trauma, it is important to understand that at first, resourcing is essential before direct presence is even possible. By taking the time to first cultivate a sense of love and safety, we can avoid the danger of re-traumatization and strengthen the foundation for the transformational work ahead.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Whether in the care of a therapist, a close friend, or a teacher, we begin to find ways to create a sense of trust and love that can hold our experience and a connection where we are reminded of our intrinsic worth and basic goodness. We are wounded in relationship; we heal in relationship. This is how we start to loosen the deep shame that accompanies trauma and come back into the wholeness of our being.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It’s Not My Fault</span></h4>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">One student was directed to Buddhist contemplative practices by her therapist a few years ago. Growing up, she experienced a great deal of trauma and struggles with depression, anxiety and PTSD. But the most devastating effect of her experiences has been a pervasive sense of shame and badness, a sense of being broken beyond repair. Her belief has been that the bad things that have happened to her could have been avoided had she just been somehow better, stronger, braver…</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">For several years, she has attended my classes and retreats and our work together has often centered on fostering a sense of love, safety and trust, and reminding her of her own bright goodness. We spent much time practicing meeting intense emotions with gentleness, kindness and love. She has found that with each round—whether done alone or with her therapist—there is some shift in consciousness.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Recently, she sent an email that described sitting in her therapist’s office frozen in shame about how her body and mind responded to some of the abuse that happened and how much it has affected her life. She writes:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">“Because I spend more time these days not in that place of shame than in it, I think I forget how dark and thick and suffocating it can be, how brutal my own self-criticism can get. It doesn’t creep up but, rather, jumps out suddenly from behind doors and around dark corners. Somehow, I am always taken by surprise…”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">She continues, “I was really stuck in it, so my therapist asked what my teacher might say and I struggled some, but finally landed on the answer: ‘It’s not your fault.’ When I remembered that what happened to me and the way I responded to it is really not my fault, my heart broke open. I was flooded with tenderness and relief.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Finding Our Way Home</span></h4>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I've noticed over many years of working with people who have been traumatized, that when self-compassion begins to arise, it can lead to an experience of profound spiritual healing. Soul recovery. When the path is illuminated by loving awareness, even the most broken heart will find its way home.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Rashani Rea writes:</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 16px;"> There is a brokenness</span><br style="font-size: 16px;" /><span style="font-size: 16px;"> out of which comes the unbroken,</span><br style="font-size: 16px;" /><span style="font-size: 16px;"> a shatteredness</span><br style="font-size: 16px;" /><span style="font-size: 16px;"> out of which blooms the unshatterable.</span><br style="font-size: 16px;" /><span style="font-size: 16px;"> There is a sorrow</span><br style="font-size: 16px;" /><span style="font-size: 16px;"> beyond all grief which leads to joy</span><br style="font-size: 16px;" /><span style="font-size: 16px;"> and a fragility</span><br style="font-size: 16px;" /><span style="font-size: 16px;"> out of whose depths emerges strength.</span><br style="font-size: 16px;" /><span style="font-size: 16px;"> There is a hollow space too vast for words</span><br style="font-size: 16px;" /><span style="font-size: 16px;"> through which we pass with each loss,</span><br style="font-size: 16px;" /><span style="font-size: 16px;"> out of whose darkness we are sanctioned into being.</span><br style="font-size: 16px;" /><span style="font-size: 16px;"> There is a cry deeper than all sound</span><br style="font-size: 16px;" /><span style="font-size: 16px;"> whose serrated edges cut the heart</span><br style="font-size: 16px;" /><span style="font-size: 16px;"> as we break open</span><br style="font-size: 16px;" /><span style="font-size: 16px;"> to the place inside which is unbreakable</span><br style="font-size: 16px;" /><span style="font-size: 16px;"> and whole</span></span><div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 16px;"> while learning to sing.</span><span style="font-size: 16px;">[1]</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 16px;">Adapted from: </span><a data-cke-saved-href="https://www.tarabrach.com/healing-trauma/" href="https://www.tarabrach.com/healing-trauma/" style="color: #30529e; font-size: 16px; text-decoration: none; transition: color 0.2s;"><i>Healing Trauma: The Light Shines Through the Broken Places</i>,</a><span style="font-size: 16px;"> a talk given by Tara Brach on 3/8/17.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-small;">[1] Réa, R. (2001). <em>The Unbroken.</em> Retrieved March 26, 2017, from <em><a data-cke-saved-href="http://rashani.com/arts/poems/poems-by-rashani/the-unbroken/" href="http://rashani.com/arts/poems/poems-by-rashani/the-unbroken/" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; color: black; text-decoration: none; transition: color 0.2s;">http://rashani.com/arts/poems/poems-by-rashani/the-unbroken/</a></em></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-small;">Photo Credit: "Inti Illimani" from "The Drifters" collection / Artist: Claudio Basso / zenphoto.online / used with permission.</span></div>
Tara Brachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14718423945945110743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2838860982927353211.post-44219331872277540512017-07-26T07:00:00.000-04:002017-07-26T07:00:07.090-04:00Radical Self-Honesty: Deepening Our Commitment to Truth-Telling<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJh6mW3vvGIh3hyy3WqxVsAvhszzTlIKeiQL58Gg_T0h1p03psXUL0zEMuuKyIvr2CyUvgY4u5S6se5BOV6jphAtC2JXq6VJmazp-cm9gJSQkTOpC5_A22-zEil3leJP36Zgzsd4OF13qF/s1600/Pexels-sun-heart-autumn-leaf-39379.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="213" data-original-width="320" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJh6mW3vvGIh3hyy3WqxVsAvhszzTlIKeiQL58Gg_T0h1p03psXUL0zEMuuKyIvr2CyUvgY4u5S6se5BOV6jphAtC2JXq6VJmazp-cm9gJSQkTOpC5_A22-zEil3leJP36Zgzsd4OF13qF/s400/Pexels-sun-heart-autumn-leaf-39379.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Throughout history, deception has been an effective survival strategy. Yet, like all primitive survival strategies, when deception becomes habitual and is not directly about survival, it prevents us from continuing growth. For each of us, to the degree that we are not real with ourselves or that we withhold important truths from others, we just cannot keep evolving.</div>
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<strong>The Call for a Deeper Commitment</strong></div>
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We can see in our own lives and in the larger society how dishonesty poisons our world with cynicism and mistrust. One understanding that seems clear is that our future is threatened by these toxins — greed and aggression that proliferate when we are not facing and speaking truth. This suffering is calling for us to deepen our commitment to truth-telling and being real with ourselves and each other.</div>
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Adrienne Rich writes:</div>
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“An honorable human relationship — that is, one in which two people have the right to use the word <em>love </em>— […]is a process of refining the truths they can tell each other. It is important to do this because it breaks down human self-delusion and isolation.” [1]</div>
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<strong>Honest Recognition of the Thoughts of the Heart</strong></div>
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The literature of the Desert Fathers, the fourth century Christian monastics living in the deserts of Egypt, powerfully describes a path of radical self-honesty. They call this <em>honest recognition of the thoughts of the heart</em>, and it begins when we open up to examining the stories, beliefs and emotions that make us feel bad about ourselves or others. They are described as <em>demons </em>in the sense that they are the shadow side and are the limiting patterns of a false self.</div>
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The way the Desert Fathers practiced radical self-honesty is quite beautiful. The monks would begin to identify these shadow-patterns and then bring them to the Abba — an elder that they trusted who represented an accepting presence for this process of self-knowledge. It was a way of naming the demons out loud. Unlike in confession, where there is a sense of sin and repentance, the monk shared from a desire to deepen understanding and bring the demon into the light of acceptance and relationship: <em>Hey, this is what is going on. Will you hold it with me?</em> This is how they describe it:</div>
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“When the heart is opened to the light of truth, when there are no secrets, catches, or barriers, the demons have nowhere to lodge and hide, and they cannot begin their crafting of obsessions and illusions. Things are brought into the arena of truth before they have a chance to lodge themselves in a chamber of the inner self and grow twisted, perverse, and stunted from lack of light and air.” [2]</div>
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<strong>The Practice of Radical Self-Honesty</strong></div>
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There is great power in this. It takes courage and it takes practice. We teach a lot about meditation — naming what is here, and staying with it. But can we bring this radical self-honesty into our relationships with each other? When we are able to shine a light on what is painful inside us, touch into it, and say it out loud to others, the last bits of shame that cling to it begin to dissolve. Not only that, but sharing from our own undefended heart helps others to share with similar depth. This is essential and is part of the healing, awakening process that we find in twelve-step groups and, in the Buddhist tradition, Kalyana Mitta or Spiritual Friends groups.</div>
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The most basic truth is that we all have ways of creating distance and, if we want to love well, we have to be willing to open honestly to our vulnerabilities and share them with each other. The practice of radical self-honesty and authenticity with others is crucial if we want to move toward healing in our own relationships, our communities, and our world.</div>
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You might take a moment to think of a relationship where you might be feeling some sense of separation from a person you care about. With honesty and clarity, sense underneath the separation, and feel into your own experience of vulnerability, hurt, fear or unmet need. As if you are offering it to an elder, let it be held in the space of awake and compassionate awareness. Then imagine sharing, without any blame, your vulnerability with this person and inviting them to share how their heart is experiencing what’s going on. Can you sense what new possibilities for understanding and connection might open up?</div>
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Adapted from: <strong><a data-cke-saved-href="https://www.tarabrach.com/being-truthful/" href="https://www.tarabrach.com/being-truthful/" style="color: #30529e; text-decoration: none; transition: color 0.2s;"><em>Being Truthful</em></a></strong> – a talk given by Tara Brach on 2/15/2017</div>
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For more talks and meditations from Tara Brach, visit <strong><em><a data-cke-saved-href="https://www.tarabrach.com" href="https://www.tarabrach.com/" style="color: #30529e; text-decoration: none; transition: color 0.2s;">tarabrach.com</a></em></strong>.</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">[1] Rich, A. (1995). <em>On Lies, Secrets, and Silence: Selected Prose</em>, 1966-1978. New York: W.W. Norton.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">[2] Stewart, C. (1990). </span><em>Radical Honesty About the Self: Practice of the Desert Fathers</em><span style="font-size: xx-small;">. Sobornost, 12(1), 25-39.</span></span></div>
Tara Brachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14718423945945110743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2838860982927353211.post-31176600036701122932017-07-21T18:44:00.001-04:002017-07-21T18:51:04.794-04:00Love is Always HereOne expression of suffering is forgetting that we are intrinsically lovable and worthy. This talk looks at the pathway to trusting our belonging, and focuses on the healing that comes from letting in love and mirroring others goodness.<br />
<br />
"A blessing is in some way a reminder that helps a person come home to
their true nature - to their awake heart - to their awake mind..." <br />
<br />
Talk includes quotes from Henri Nouwen, <i><a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0385473079/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0385473079&linkCode=as2&tag=tarbra-20&linkId=6ab64d58a72b4aa55d6db22a6ac5a8fe" rel="noopener" target="_blank">The Return of the Prodigal Son: A Story of Homecoming</a></i><br />
<img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=tarbra-20&l=am2&o=1&a=0385473079" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1" /><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/fm5sMvpy-gU" width="480"></iframe>Tara Brachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14718423945945110743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2838860982927353211.post-38717055742403242612017-07-19T07:00:00.000-04:002017-07-19T07:00:05.950-04:00Looking Through The Eyes of Another: Transforming Separation into Shared Consciousness<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I often talk about how suffering arises from the unseen, unfelt parts of ourselves. Only when we become aware of what is here and bring presence to what we have been running from can we discover wholeness and freedom.</div>
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The same is true when we explore our relationships to each other and the world. We cannot be free if we are pushing anyone out of our hearts. If we are discounting, rejecting, or turning away, we are not living from our wholeness. It creates suffering. When we live in resentment, we have separated ourselves and pulled away from our belonging.</div>
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<strong>Trance of the Unreal Other</strong></div>
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All life forms are designed to perceive separation. It is part of our evolutionary story. And in moments that we find ourselves stuck in reactivity or in some conflict or division, we create what I call an <em>unreal other</em>. Rather than a living, feeling Being with wants, needs and fears, another person has become an idea in our mind and is not subjectively alive or real to us. They are two-dimensional and flat. The more stressed we get, the less real they become. We are the protagonist of our own story and the other is like a puppet or a pawn. We begin to see them as something that can help us, hurt us, or as simply irrelevant.</div>
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We create an <em>unreal other</em> any time we begin to sense aversion and distance with another. There is the anger, blaming, and resentment that we sometimes feel in our close-in relationships, but there is also a level of pushing people out of our hearts on a larger scale, where our perceptions of ourselves and others are being filtered through stereotypes. Too often, we are not even aware that this is happening. We may have labeled a group of people as <em>different, inferior, bad</em>, or maybe even <em>dangerous</em>. Whether it is with a partner or a child, a political candidate, or even more global, when we are caught in aversive reactivity, we have created an <em>unreal other</em>.</div>
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<strong>The Suffering of Stereotypes and Predispositions</strong></div>
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When we are in the narrow identity of perceived separation, we don’t have access to the more recently evolved parts of our brain that can be mindful and compassionate. We all have strong filters that differentiate us from others by defining us in terms of politics, race, religion, sexual orientation, gender-identity, socio-economic status, and physical appearance and we have all been in situations where we have been subjected to these biases – when people viewed us through a filter that was not true. When we are not aware of how we are shaped by these predispositions, they create separation and that sense is amplified by our culture and the society we live in through its standards, attitudes, and stories. Like fish in water, we are unaware of how much it shapes our reality. We are so accustomed to the judgment, yet it creates tremendous suffering.</div>
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<em>Building Bridges</em> is a program that has brought teens from different backgrounds — in this case, Palestinian and Israeli — to live together for a week or two and get to know one another. It’s an incredible experience based in mindfulness and compassionate listening.</div>
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In one group, a Palestinian girl shared her story about the Israeli soldiers that barged into her family’s house and beat everyone up and, after realizing they were at the wrong place, they left without apology.</div>
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The group facilitator then asked an Israeli girl to repeat the story in first person, as though it had happened to her, including the feelings – the rage and terror – that she might have felt. After listening to the Israeli tell her story, the Palestinian began to weep. She said, “My enemy heard me.” [1]</div>
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<strong>Looking Through the Eyes of Another</strong></div>
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Opening up into a larger sense of Being always starts with sensing how we have turned on ourselves. If we are not able to open to the places of shame, fear and hurt inside our own bodies and hearts, we cannot have the courage and presence to be with the suffering of another.</div>
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The next step is to begin to explore looking through the eyes of those we might be feeling some distance with in our immediate circle: our partner who keeps going back on their word, our child who is behaving in a disrespectful way. This is the domain of our practice where we can notice when we are in the trance of separation and have created an unreal other and begin to deepen our attention. <em>How are you doing? What is this like for you?</em></div>
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In Buddhist compassion teachings, this full presence is the grounds of <em>Taking and Sending</em> — a compassion practice that guides us in taking in the experience of another person, and then sending them care. This practice awakens us from the sense of separateness, and we can begin to live from the reality of our shared belonging.</div>
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I love the words of Henry David Thoreau: <em>“Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other’s eyes for an instant?”</em> [2]</div>
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You might take a moment to reflect: What would it be like, in this moment, to look through another’s eyes? To widen the circles of compassion and be part of the healing of our world?</div>
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From <a data-cke-saved-href="https://www.tarabrach.com/trance-of-the-unreal-other-audio/" href="https://www.tarabrach.com/trance-of-the-unreal-other-audio/" style="color: #30529e; text-decoration: none; transition: 0.2s;"><em>Trance of the Unreal Other</em></a> — a talk given by Tara Brach, PhD</div>
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For more talks and meditations from Tara, visit <a data-cke-saved-href="https://www.tarabrach.com" href="https://www.tarabrach.com/" style="color: #30529e; text-decoration: none; transition: color 0.2s;"><em>tarabrach.com.</em></a></div>
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<em style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, 'DejaVu Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><a data-cke-saved-href="http://eepurl.com/6YfI" href="http://eepurl.com/6YfI" style="color: #30529e; text-decoration: none; transition: color 0.2s;">Join Tara's email list</a> and </em><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , "dejavu sans" , sans-serif;">receive a free download of Tara’s 10 minute meditation: “Mindful Breathing: Finding Calm and Ease."</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">[1] Brach, T. (2012). True Refuge: Finding Peace and Freedom in Your Own Awakened Heart. New York, NY: Bantam Books.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">[2] Thoreau, H. D. (1910). Walden. London: Dent.</span></div>
Tara Brachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14718423945945110743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2838860982927353211.post-74080242148279332712017-07-12T07:00:00.000-04:002017-07-12T07:00:11.505-04:00Discovering the Gold: Remembering Our True Nature by Cultivating Mindfulness and Compassion<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I remember when I was on a book tour for <em>Radical Acceptance</em>, one of the places I stopped was the Buddhist university, Naropa, and they had a big poster with a big picture of me and, underneath the photo, the caption was:<em> Something is wrong with me.</em></div>
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<strong>The Trance of Unworthiness: Forgetting Who We Are</strong></div>
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I wrote about the <em>Trance of Unworthiness</em> in <em>Radical Acceptance</em> 14 years ago, and I’ve found, over the years, that it is still pretty much the most pervasive expression of suffering that I encounter in myself and in those I’ve worked with. It comes out as fear or shame — a feeling of being fundamentally flawed, unacceptable, not enough. <em>Who I am is not okay</em>.</div>
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A core teaching of the Buddha is that we suffer because we forget who we really are. We forget the essence — the awareness and the love that’s here — and we become caught in an identity that’s less than who we are.</div>
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When we are in the <em>trance of unworthiness</em>, we’re not aware of how much our body, emotions, and thoughts have locked into a sense of falling short and the fear that we’re going to fail. The trance of unworthiness brings us to addictive behaviors as we try to soothe the discomfort of fear and shame. It makes it difficult to be intimate with others, because we have the sense that, even if they don’t already know, they will find out how flawed we really are, so it’s hard to be real and spontaneous with other people. It makes it hard to take risks because we’re afraid we’re going to fail and we can never really relax, because right in the heart of the trance there is a need to do something to be better.</div>
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<strong>Space Suit Strategies: How We Manage in a World of Severed Belonging</strong></div>
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The core wound is severed belonging — <em>if I am not enough and if I fail, I won’t belong anymore.</em> It starts early, and the messages are often carried on through our families: <em>Here is how you need to be to feel our respect and love</em>.</div>
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The sense of unworthiness gets dramatically amplified depending on our culture. Western culture is a very individualistic culture. There’s not an innate sense of belonging and fear of failure is really big. Every step of the way, we have to compete and prove ourselves and we have a profound fear of falling short. Messages of being inferior or being set up to fail are particularly toxic for minorities. In different degrees, for those that don’t fit the dominant culture’s standards, there is an accentuated sense of not being enough.</div>
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So, we all develop strategies — I like to call them our <em><a data-cke-saved-href="https://www.tarabrach.com/you-are-not-your-space-suit-self/" href="https://www.tarabrach.com/you-are-not-your-space-suit-self/" style="color: #30529e; text-decoration: none; transition: color 0.2s;">“space suit” strategies</a></em> — to manage ourselves so that we will “belong.” You probably know the ways you go about getting other people to pay attention, or to love you, or to respect you. For many of us it’s striving and accomplishing and proving ourselves. For some, there’s a habitual busyness. For others, there are addictive behaviors that numb and soothe the feelings.</div>
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<strong>The Golden Buddha: Remembering Our True Nature</strong></div>
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One of the stories I’ve always loved took place in Asia. There’s a huge statue of the Buddha. It was a plaster and clay statue, not a handsome statue, but people loved it for its staying power. About 13 years ago, there was a long dry period and a crack appeared in the statue. So the monks brought their little pen flashlights to look inside the crack — just thought they might find out something about the infrastructure. When they shined the light in, what shined out was a flash of gold — and every crack they looked into, they saw that same shining. So they dismantled the plaster and clay, which turned out to be just a covering, and found that it was the largest pure solid gold statue of the Buddha in all of southeast Asia.</div>
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The monks believed that the statue had been covered with plaster and clay to protect it through difficult years, much in the same way that we put on that space suit to protect ourselves from injury and hurt. What’s sad is that we forget the gold and we start believing we’re the covering — the egoic, defensive, managing self. We forget who is here. So you might think of the essence of the spiritual path as a remembering — reconnecting with the gold . . . the essential mystery of awareness.</div>
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<strong>Radical Acceptance: Awakening from the Trance of Unworthiness</strong></div>
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The practice of meditation, or coming into presence, is described as having two wings. The wing of <em>mindfulness </em>allows us to see what is actually happening in the present moment without judgement. The other wing, you might think of as <em>heartfulness </em>— holding what we see with tenderness and compassion. You might think of it as two questions: <em>What is happening right now?</em> and <em>Can I be with this and regard it with kindness?</em> These are the two wings that we cultivate to be able to wake up out of the <em>trance of unworthiness</em> — out of the spacesuit self — and sense that gold that’s shining through.</div>
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I’d like to invite you to take a moment to check in and just to feel into the inquiry: <em>Is there anything, right this moment, between me and feeling at home in myself, at home in who I am? What is here, right now? Can I be with this? Can I regard this with kindness?</em></div>
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Adapted from: <a data-cke-saved-href="https://www.tarabrach.com/radical-acceptance-revisited/" href="https://www.tarabrach.com/radical-acceptance-revisited/" style="color: #30529e; text-decoration: none; transition: color 0.2s;"><em>Radical Acceptance Revisited</em></a> – a talk given by Tara Brach on August 12, 2015. Enjoy the full-length talk below:</div>
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<iframe width="320" height="266" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/vFr_zQCUMD4/0.jpg" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/vFr_zQCUMD4?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></div>
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For more talks and meditations by Tara Brach, visit <em><a data-cke-saved-href="http://www.tarabrach.com" href="http://www.tarabrach.com/" style="color: #30529e; text-decoration: none; transition: color 0.2s;">www.tarabrach.com</a></em>.</div>
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<a href="http://eepurl.com/6YfI" target="_blank">Join Tara's e-mail list</a> and receive a free download of her 10 min guided meditation <em>Mindful Breathing: Finding Calm and Ease.</em></div>
Tara Brachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14718423945945110743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2838860982927353211.post-92033659918303335122017-07-11T14:05:00.001-04:002017-07-11T23:19:51.671-04:00Tara Talks: What Am I Running From Right Now? (3:56 min)Tara shares a dear friend’s end-of-life insights on how every one of us has something we’re running from. It’s when we start recognizing what we’re resisting that we can re-enter the flow.<br />
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"When we're on our way to what's next, trying to get the next pleasure
or avoid a problem, we're running away. The U-Turn is the willingness to
look: What's Here? What am I running away from? What am I unwilling to
feel? It directs us back to what Pema Chodron calls the "soft spot" -
that vulnerability - that actually, when we bring presence to it, is a
portal to open hearted awareness. We feel like we've come home..." <br />
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“What is it that allows us to open our hearts to every moment of our
life? It’s the remembrance that it’s passing and it’s precious.” <br />
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For Tara's full talk, go to: <a href="https://www.tarabrach.com/reality-change/">https://www.tarabrach.com/reality-change/</a><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/nt5Q1jdWJxg" width="480"></iframe>Tara Brachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14718423945945110743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2838860982927353211.post-10759189083183803192017-07-08T13:13:00.001-04:002017-07-08T13:17:20.592-04:00TaraTalks - Soul Recognition: Reflection (6 min)A practice of seeing and acknowledging the sacred that lives through ourselves and all beings in every moment.<br />
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For Tara's full talk, go to: <br />
<a href="https://www.tarabrach.com/soul-recognition-namaste/">https://www.tarabrach.com/soul-recognition-namaste/</a><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/MzWR-RQVuP0" width="480"></iframe>Tara Brachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14718423945945110743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2838860982927353211.post-2076374716627875022017-07-05T07:00:00.000-04:002017-07-07T20:11:42.928-04:00Real But Not True: Freeing Ourselves From Harmful Beliefs<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<strong><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Our Life Experience is Shaped by Our Beliefs</span></strong></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Ghandi describes how our beliefs become our thoughts and emotions which influence our behavior, and how our behavior creates our character and then that determines our destiny. In other words, the familiar pattern of thoughts that continuously cycle through our minds actually ends up shaping our life experience.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Beliefs about ourselves and the world that cause suffering arise from our experiences of severed belonging — the wounding that happens early in life when we get the message, from our families and our culture, that there is something about us that is not okay. And we all have a negativity bias, which means that the conditioning is strong to seek evidence and latch on to whatever confirms that <em>sense that something is wrong with me</em>.</span></div>
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<strong><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The Trance of Limiting Beliefs</span></strong></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When we are suffering, we are believing something that is not true. To live inside the belief that we or others are bad and wrong is suffering. Rather than directly feeling our hearts and responding to the life around us, we are viewing our lives through an interpretive lens that separates us.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Rumi writes:</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> I must have been incredibly simple or drunk or insane<br /> to sneak into my own house and steal money,<br /> to climb over my own fence and take my own vegetables.<br /> But no more. I have gotten free of that ignorant fist<br /> that was pinching and twisting my secret self.<br /> The universe and the light of the stars come through me.<br /> I am the crescent moon put up<br /> over the gate to the festival. [1]</span><div>
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<span style="font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I love this verse because it illustrates so clearly how we get into a trance of limiting beliefs and injure ourselves and each other with our thoughts and ways of behaving.</span></span><div style="font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-top: 20px;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There is a longing to wake up from the twisting, pinching clutch of that ignorant fist. So we start looking at the beliefs that separate, the judging beliefs of <em>right </em>and <em>wrong</em>, the beliefs of personal failure. There really is a pure heart in us that does not want to be bound by these limiting constructs.</span></div>
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<strong><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Real but Not True</span></strong></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There is a fundamental understanding that is helpful as we begin to look at our illusions of reality. Tibetan teacher, Tsoknyi Rinpoche coined the phrase <em>Real but Not True</em>.[2] What this means is that, while thoughts are really happening and there is a real biochemistry that accompanies them, they are only representations in our mind. They are not the experience of this living moment. Just like a map is not the territory that it represents, our thoughts are not reality.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Our beliefs fuel our sense of separateness. Uninvestigated, they are a veil between us and reality; they actually prevent us from seeing truth. But when we deepen our attention and start seeing past the beliefs, the light of the stars starts shining through.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There are two ways of paying attention that begin to clear away the illusion of our beliefs and loosen their grip. The first is <em>inquiry </em>— bringing interest and the attentive, laser-like quality of the mind to penetrate through the layers of the belief — and the second is <em>mindfulness </em>— meeting what arises with a quality of full, embodied presence.</span></div>
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<strong><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">What Am I Believing Right Now?</span></strong></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">We can begin to identify and challenge limiting beliefs by starting with the simple question: <em>What am I believing right now?</em> And then: <em>Is this true? Is it possible that this is real but not true?</em> Even if your answer is yes, just asking the question, enlarges the space that you occupy and opens up the possibility that what you are believing is a representation and not the reality of what is happening. Real, but not true.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Next, you might explore: <em>What is it like to live with this belief? How is this belief affecting my life?</em> Sensing our suffering around the belief begins to open us to compassion and leads us to ask: <em>What does this place in me most need? What would bring healing? What would my life be like if I wasn’t living inside this belief? **</em></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">As we practice mindfulness and seek to disempower our false illusions, the thoughts and feelings still come, but we learn to believe them less. When we rest in a larger space where we are less confined by our thoughts and beliefs, we begin to sense a larger possibility that calls our heart and soul towards their own natural awakening and the kind of compassion that brings healing to ourselves and to the world around us.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Adapted from a talk by Tara Brach given on June 1, 2016, <a data-cke-saved-href="https://www.tarabrach.com/real-not-true/" href="https://www.tarabrach.com/real-not-true/" style="color: #30529e; text-decoration: none; transition: color 0.2s;"><em>Real but Not True: Freeing Ourselves from Harmful Beliefs.</em></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><em><a data-cke-saved-href="https://www.tarabrach.com/reflection-waking-up/" href="https://www.tarabrach.com/reflection-waking-up/" style="color: #30529e; text-decoration: none; transition: color 0.2s;">Reflection: Waking Up from Limiting Beliefs (8 min.)</a> </em>- Enjoy a guided reflection that addresses limiting beliefs surrounding interpersonal conflict – from the ending of the <em>Real but Not True</em> talk.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">More blogs, talks and guided meditations from Tara at <a data-cke-saved-href="https://www.tarabrach.com" href="https://www.tarabrach.com/" style="color: #30529e; text-decoration: none; transition: color 0.2s;"><em>www.tarabrach.com</em></a>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-small;">[1] Barks, C. (Trans.). (2004). Wax. In J. A. Rūmī (Author), <em>The Essential Rumi: New Expanded Edition</em> (p. 347). New York: Harper Collins.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-small;">[2] Tsoknyi Rinpoche & Swanson, E. (2012). <em>Open Heart, Open Mind: Awaking the Power of Essence Love</em>. New York: Harmony Books.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-small;">**For further exploration of Byron Katie’s work on overcoming false or limiting beliefs, visit <a data-cke-saved-href="http://www.thework.com" href="http://www.thework.com/" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; color: black; text-decoration: none; transition: color 0.2s;">www.thework.com</a>.</span></div>
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Tara Brachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14718423945945110743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2838860982927353211.post-12467027651068359792017-07-01T15:00:00.000-04:002017-07-01T15:00:34.037-04:00Where Does It Hurt? Healing the Wounds of Severed Belonging<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I recently heard about a man who attempted to sneak his pet turtle onto a flight by placing it between two buns and wrapping it in a KFC wrapper. When he was discovered, he told the officials that he just couldn’t leave his beloved pet at home.</div>
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I could relate! There have been times that I’ve nearly canceled a teaching trip because I just didn’t want to leave my dog. There’s so much research now that having a pet — experiencing that sense of warmth and connection — increases longevity and happiness. The other side of the equation is that when there is a deficit of connection, there is loneliness and depression.</div>
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<b>Two Wings of a Bird</b></div>
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The wounds in our lives are so often related to severed belonging and the ways that we, in some way, get split off from the feeling that who we are is okay. Through our families and our culture, we get the message that something is wrong with us. We split off because we get hurt or because another has not been able to stay with us.</div>
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In the earliest phases of our lives, what we most need from a parent is the sense that we are known and loved. In Buddhism, these expressions of awake awareness—understanding and caring—are often described as the two wings of a bird: they are interdependent, and intrinsic to our wellbeing. On this path of healing and awakening, bringing these two wings to our own inner life and to our relationships with others is what I sometimes think of as <em>spiritual re-parenting</em>.</div>
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In a recent interview, civil rights activist and theologian, Ruby Sales describes a moment from her life when these two wings of understanding and care came alive:</div>
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“The defining moment . . . I was getting my locks washed and my locker’s daughter came in one morning and she had been hustling all night and she had sores on her body, she was just in a state — drugs. So something said to me, <em>‘Ask her, where does it hurt?’</em> And I said, ‘Shelly, where does it hurt?’ And just that simple question unleashed territory in her that she had never shared with her mother. And she talked about having been incested, and she talked about all these things that had happened to her as a child, and she literally shared the source of her pain. And I realized, in that moment, listening to her and talking to her, that I needed a larger way to do this work.”[1]</div>
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<em>Where does it hurt?</em> When I heard Ruby’s story, it really landed in quite a beautiful way. I could remember, in my own life, times that people asked me a question — really asked from a place of caring presence — and, in those moments, how that opened up something in me.</div>
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<b>Recognizing the Suffering</b></div>
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The beginning of healing is recognizing suffering and asking the question: <em>Where does it hurt?</em> Seeking to understand, offering our interested presence, is the first wing of spiritual re-parenting. Just as the concerned parent, seeing their child upset, angry, withdrawn, would want to know what’s going on, we can learn to bring interest to our inner life and gently ask ourselves: <em>What is going on inside? Where does it hurt?</em></div>
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A challenge is that, while we might get in touch with feelings of loneliness, shame, or being unloved by others, when we don’t know how to be with those raw emotions, we are quick to leave. Judgment is one of the main ways that we leave when things feel difficult. We blame ourselves, get angry, judge others. Or we numb out. Or we distract ourselves.</div>
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There’s a story of a wise old sage who lived deep in the wilderness. The people seeking wisdom from him had to travel through dangerous jungles and forests for days to get to him. Once they arrived, he would swear them to silence and then he would say, <em>Okay, I have one question for you. What are you unwilling to feel?</em></div>
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<b>Learning to Stay</b></div>
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The second part of spiritual re-parenting –expressing our care—arises as we learn to stay. When a child is angry or upset, what do we do? We stay with them until they can get in touch with what it is they are really needing. In the same way, we can commit to staying with our own inner experience, no matter what it is. And as we get in touch with what those hurting places really want or need, our caring can naturally flower into an engaged, nurturing presence. </div>
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Bringing this practice to our own wounding is key, and as we enlarge to include others, we open up potential for boundless healing in the world around us. If we really want to have a world where we can connect and respond to each other, we must widen the field and attend with the same understanding and care to all humans, all species, all the parts of this living world that are having trouble. We begin with the same question: <em>Where does it hurt?</em></div>
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From the Poet, Hafiz:</div>
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Admit something:</div>
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Everyone you see, you say to them,</div>
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"Love me."</div>
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Of course you do not do this out loud;</div>
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Otherwise,</div>
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Someone would call the cops.</div>
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Still though, think about this,</div>
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This great pull in us</div>
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To connect.</div>
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Why not become the one</div>
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Who lives with a full moon in each eye</div>
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That is always saying,</div>
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</div>
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With that sweet moon</div>
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Language,</div>
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What every other eye in this world</div>
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Is dying to</div>
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Hear.[2]</div>
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Adapted from: <i><a href="https://www.tarabrach.com/spiritual-reparenting/" target="_blank">Spiritual Re-Parenting</a></i> – a talk given by Tara Brach on December 7, 2016.</div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , "dejavu sans" , sans-serif;">Listen here: <a data-cke-saved-href="https://www.tarabrach.com/spiritual-reparenting/" href="https://www.tarabrach.com/spiritual-reparenting/" style="color: #30529e; font-size: 16px; text-decoration: none; transition: color 0.2s;">https://www.tarabrach.com/spiritual-reparenting/</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">[1] Tippett, K. (Producer). (2016, September 15). Where Does it Hurt [Audio podcast]. Retrieved from <a data-cke-saved-href="http://www.onbeing.org/program/ruby-sales-where-does-it-hurt/8931" href="http://www.onbeing.org/program/ruby-sales-where-does-it-hurt/8931" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; color: black; text-decoration: none; transition: color 0.2s;">http://www.onbeing.org/program/ruby-sales-where-does-it-hurt/8931</a></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">[2] Hafiz. (1999). With That Moon Language (D. Ladinsky, Trans.). In The Gift: Poems by Hafiz, the Great Sufi Master (p. 322). New York, NY: Penguin Putnam Inc.</span></div>
Tara Brachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14718423945945110743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2838860982927353211.post-10542286656419517582017-06-27T21:22:00.001-04:002017-06-27T21:25:31.615-04:00Tara Talks: Recognizing Deepest Intention - with Tara Brach (4:07 min)"Our true aspiration is always, in some way, to manifest fully who we are. It’s what’s already and always here that we want to manifest, unfold, live. It’s not for something outside ourselves or down the road. In fact, the only place that you can actually experience a true desire is in the moment. It can only be felt right here…"<br />
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Listen or view Tara's full talk at <a href="https://www.tarabrach.com/realizing-deepest-desires/" target="_blank">https://www.tarabrach.com/realizing-deepest-desires/</a> <br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/OcwIi9IoD7c" width="480"></iframe>Tara Brachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14718423945945110743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2838860982927353211.post-11192211413172714582017-06-24T21:21:00.000-04:002017-06-24T21:21:03.213-04:00Tara Talks: Love and Impermanence - with Tara BrachWhat is it that allows us to open our hearts to every moment of our life? The awareness that it’s passing... and it’s precious. The classic practice of the Five Remembrances is beautifully illustrated in words from Ajahn Chah.<br /><br />For Tara's full talk, go to: <a href="https://www.tarabrach.com/reality-change/">https://www.tarabrach.com/reality-change/</a><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/xOUzo4zTnoo" width="480"></iframe>Tara Brachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14718423945945110743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2838860982927353211.post-81708250406088516322017-03-17T18:07:00.000-04:002017-03-17T18:30:36.240-04:00The Freedom of Yes - Allowing life to be just as it is - Tara Brach<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Name="endnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="macro"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
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I often quote the psychologist Carl Rogers, who said, “It wasn’t until I accepted myself, just as I was, that I was free to change.” In other words, this acceptance — this recognizing what’s going on inside us and this deep unconditional tenderness — is the prerequisite to change.<br />
<br />
Part of the practice of <i>Radical Acceptance</i> is knowing that, whatever arises, whatever we can’t embrace with love, imprisons us — no matter what it is. If we are at war with it, we stay in prison. It is for the freedom and healing of our own hearts, that we learn to recognize and allow our inner life. <br />
<br />
The practice of meditation is described as having two wings: recognizing, so that you actually see what is happening in the present moment, and allowing, where whatever is seen is held with kindness — seeing what’s here and regarding it with tenderness. Saying yes.<br />
<br />
A big challenge for saying yes to our experience is when we feel like we’re bad — like we are flawed. <i>I can’t say yes to that. I can’t say yes to that shameful feeling — it’s too much.</i> How do we bring the two wings alive when we’ve totally turned on ourselves or are totally at war with ourselves? When we bring these two wings to naming and then saying yes, we need to infuse the <i>yes </i>with a profound sense of compassion.<br />
<br />
A minister I once worked with was in a real impasse in his marriage. His wife was so dissatisfied that she said, “If we can’t work this out, I don’t know if I can stay.” She wanted him to be more intimate, more vulnerable, not so spiritually detached. She wanted him to be able to look her in the eyes and say, “I love you.” He was very blocked and, whenever she would ask for something, it was even harder for him to feel like he could be warm and friendly. He was very defended, but he knew she was right that he was not able to be intimate. <br />
<br />
When we started working together, he sensed, underneath the defensiveness, a very harsh critic and a huge sense of deficiency as a human-being. He felt like an imposter and felt a sense of his own hypocrisy because he preached about love, but he didn’t feel like he embodied it. He felt like he had been ambitious in his process in the ministry; he could look good and comfort people as a spiritual advisor, but couldn’t be close with people. His inner critic was saying, “You don’t deserve your position and you don’t deserve your marriage.” He felt himself sink into a deep sense of shame and aversion. <br />
<br />
So we started exploring and bringing the two wings to that place of shame and aversion. He named what he was experiencing and allowed himself to feel it fully. Then he asked this part of himself, “What do you most need?” He immediately sensed he needed to feel forgiven: “I need to feel like God sees me and knows I’m trying.” <br />
<br />
This was what I consider an <i>ouch-moment</i>, the moment when he really got his own suffering and could actually feel some tenderness towards himself. The second wing, self-compassion, was waking up.<br />
<br />
So, this was his practice. When he was feeling stuck and incapable of being close because he was such a defective person, he’d see that, feel his shame, and whisper the words, “Forgiven, forgiven,” to the part of himself that was having a hard time. He did this over and over again, until he became increasingly at home in compassionate presence and the shame no longer occupied such a dominant part of his psyche.<br />
<br />
It took him a number of months, but he later shared about how his relationship with his wife had changed saying that, for the first time in 26 years, “We are feeling each other’s hearts.” <br />
<br />
He went from being caught in his sense of personal deficiency to a place of simple tenderness . . . offering himself forgiveness and feeling that tenderness of vulnerability. This is the shift in identity that each one of us experiences every time we even get a taste of these two wings. By naming our suffering and saying yes, we move from inside of the story of the defective self to an awareness that is noticing and kind. <br />
<br />
From <i>The Healing Time</i> by Pesha Joyce Gertler: <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
“Finally on my way to yes<br />
I bump into<br />
all the places <br />
where I said no <br />
to my life <br />
all the untended wounds. . .<br />
<br />
those coded messages <br />
that sent me down<br />
the wrong street <br />
again and again. . . <br />
<br />
and I lift them <br />
one by one <br />
close to my heart <br />
and I say holy<br />
holy.” <a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=2838860982927353211#_ftn1">[1]</a></blockquote>
At the heart of the spiritual path is compassion, and the heart of compassion is compassion for ourselves — that we need to step out of this trance of something is wrong with me by recognizing it and responding to ourselves with kindness. <br />
<br />
Recognizing it and saying yes to the moment…<br />
<br />
From: <i><b><a href="https://www.tarabrach.com/radical-acceptance-revisited/">Radical Acceptance Revisited</a></b></i> – a talk given by Tara Brach.<br />
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<span lang="EN-GB">For more blogs, talks and meditations from Tara, visit: <b><i><a href="https://www.tarabrach.com/" target="_blank">www.tarabrach.com</a></i></b>.</span></div>
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photo: Jon McRay<br />
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<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=2838860982927353211#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">[1]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span lang="EN-GB"> </span><span lang="EN" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">Gertler, P. J. (2007). </span><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">"</span><span lang="EN" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">The
Healing Time</span><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The
Healing Time: Finally on My Way to Yes</i>.</span><span lang="EN" style="color: windowtext; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"> Columbus,
OH: Pudding House Publications.</span><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"></span></div>
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Tara Brachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14718423945945110743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2838860982927353211.post-3774929220162726472016-12-19T23:23:00.000-05:002017-11-06T20:51:29.136-05:00The Space Between Stories<br />
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These days we are seeing all around us a lot of turbulence, inner and
outer. The tendency when we get stirred up – and this is for all humans
– is to go into a kind of habitual “jungle mentality,” also known as
our stress reflex. We get anxious or upset and we try to sense where we
can throw blame for what’s wrong. There is a polarizing.<br />
<br />
Mostly what we are doing when we are in stress-reactivity is trying
to find certainty. We are trying to find some ground again; and
everything we try to do then is, on some level, trying to frame things
so we have a stable ground – something that allows us to say, “Oh, here
is what’s going on!” We try to define it, as a means of regaining a
sense of certainty and security – an illusion of control. Charles
Eisenstein calls this place “the space between stories.” And if we grab
on to the next story and act from that, then we don’t wake up.<br />
<br />
Now, we need to act, always; we need to act in our families to take
care of our loved ones, and we need to act at work, and we need to act
in terms of our social consciousness to move towards healing and change.
The big question is this: From what consciousness are we acting?<br />
<br />
We want to really watch this, because there’s such a tendency to act
from habitual old states of mind where we perceive hatred (for example)
and we respond to it with blame, aversion and hatred of our own. So: do
we want to keep the whole game on the same level? Do we want to keep
re-arranging the furniture on the decks of the Titanic?
Or do we want to have a real paradigm shift and wake up consciousness?
How can we really bring a presence to what is going on between the
stories, so we can see the future we really long for – with wisdom, courage and love? It is how we are now that will seed the future.<br />
<br />
Action needs to come from a more evolved consciousness; and
mindfulness & compassion training is what evolves the brain. If we
don’t know how to pause and deepen attention in the space between
stories, we won’t connect with the very presence and compassion that can
inform intelligent action. We need to pause, and be able to feel what
is here. That’s not so easy – which is why we have to train in it!<br />
<br />
For a long time I have heard the story about Gandhi, who was known to
take a day each week for prayer and meditation. He said, “I need to
make sure that my actions come from the deepest, most awake part of my
Being.” In these turbulent times… can we give ourselves some true pauses
each day to come home to our hearts?<br />
<br />
From:<i><b><a href="https://www.tarabrach.com/bodhisattva/"> Play a Greater Part – Bodhisattva for our Times – Part 1</a></b><br />
</i>a talk given by Tara Brach on November 16, 2016<br />
<br />
photo: Shell Fischer – <a href="http://www.mindfulvalley.com/" target="_blank">www.mindfulvalley.com</a>Tara Brachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14718423945945110743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2838860982927353211.post-14363044916243929142016-12-13T21:10:00.001-05:002016-12-13T22:09:17.872-05:00Tara Talks: Guided Practice - Working with Reactivity - Tara BrachHow to bring a wise, caring, transformative presence to situations that trigger irritation, judgment, hurt, defensiveness… <br />
<br />
Watch Tara's full talk at <a href="https://www.tarabrach.com/learning-to-respond-not-react-audio-2/">https://www.tarabrach.com/learning-to-respond-not-react-audio-2/</a><br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/pmb6jYstAM0" width="480"></iframe>Tara Brachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14718423945945110743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2838860982927353211.post-36249454545836736142016-12-12T19:24:00.001-05:002016-12-13T21:13:04.427-05:00Tara Brach speaks on Letting Go – The Freedom of Awake AwarenessWe know we need to let go of harmful habits like obsessive worry, blame and over consuming to experience true well-being, yet much of the time we are stuck and judge ourselves for being out of control. This talk explores what’s so difficult about letting go and how we can’t will it but we can be willing. We then explore the shift to awake awareness that enables a natural dissolution of clinging and resistance, and the deep peace and freedom of letting be.<br />
<br />
Audio available at: <a href="https://www.tarabrach.com/letting-go/">https://www.tarabrach.com/letting-go/</a><br />
<br />
Photo: Jon McRay<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/f4rzLjRf40U" width="480"></iframe>Tara Brachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14718423945945110743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2838860982927353211.post-80730507682972516492016-12-03T15:49:00.001-05:002016-12-03T15:51:20.221-05:00Tara Brach speaks on Trusting the Gold - from retreatWhen we are unaware of the emotions and beliefs that shape our <br />
experience, we are in a trance characterized by an identity as a <br />
separate, incomplete self. Trance obscures the awareness and love that <br />
is our deepest essence. This talk explores the two key pathways of <br />
awakening from trance and recognizing and trusting the gold of our true <br />
nature. (talk given at the IMCW Fall retreat on 2016-11-10)<br />
<br />
audio at: <a href="https://www.tarabrach.com/trusting-gold-retreat/">https://www.tarabrach.com/trusting-gold-retreat/</a> <br />
<br />
photo: Shell Fischer – <a href="http://www.mindfulvalley.com/" target="_blank">www.mindfulvalley.com </a><br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/zmWh3L7noVQ" width="480"></iframe>Tara Brachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14718423945945110743noreply@blogger.com