Meditating Daily…”No Matter What”
Even after practicing and teaching meditation for
more than 35 years now, I truly understand that sustaining a regular practice
can be challenging. During the twelve years I lived in an ashram, for instance,
I had others to practice with each day. With that kind of support, creating the
time for daily meditation became a given in my life. It wasn’t as easy after I
left. Within a year I gave birth to my son, Narayan, and found myself with a
new infant and an increasingly erratic schedule.
One morning, I woke up feeling particularly ornery,
and, after I snapped at Narayan’s father for forgetting something at the
supermarket, he recommended that I take some time to meditate. I handed the
baby over, plunked down in front of my little altar, and immediately dissolved
into tears.
I missed the rhythm of my practice. I missed making
regular visits to myself! In those moments, with the sun flooding through the
windows, and the background sounds of my husband chatting away to Narayan, I
made a vow. No matter what, I’d create time each day to come into stillness and
pay attention to my experience. But there was a “back door”: How long I sat
didn’t matter.
Ever since, I have made the time. I usually meditate thirty
to forty-five minutes in the morning, but there have been days, especially when
Narayan was young, when it didn’t happen. Instead, I’d sit on the edge of my
bed right before going to sleep, and would intentionally relax my body, opening
to the sensations and feelings that were present. Then, after a few minutes, I
would say a prayer and climb under the covers.
As my body has changed and long sittings have become
more difficult, I’ll often do a standing meditation. Still, the commitment to
daily practice “no matter what” has been one of the great supports of my life.
For some people I know, my approach is a setup for
self-punishment. Something happens—a bad cold, falling asleep early, simply
forgetting—and the promise has been broken. The bottom line is to enjoy, not
stress over, a meditation practice. As Julia Child famously said, “If you drop
the lamb, just pick it up. Who’s
going to know?” If you miss practice for a day, a week, or a month, simply
begin again. It’s okay.
So, how long
should you practice? Between fifteen and forty-five minutes works for many
people. If you are new to meditation, fifteen minutes may seem like an
eternity, but that impression will change as your practice develops. If you meditate
each day, you will experience noticeable benefits (less reactivity, more calm)
and you’ll probably choose to increase your practice time. Whatever the length,
it’s best to decide before beginning
and have a clock or timer nearby. Then, rather than getting entangled in
thoughts about when to stop, you can fully give yourself to the meditation.
Many contemplative
traditions recommend setting a regular time of day to meditate—usually early in
the morning, because the mind is calmer on waking than it is later in
the day. However, the best time for you is the time you can realistically
commit to on a regular basis. Some people choose to do two short mediations,
one at the beginning of the day and one at the end.
If possible, dedicate a space exclusively to your
daily meditation. Choose a relatively protected and quiet place where you can
leave your cushion (or chair) so that it is always there to return to. You may
want to create an altar with a candle, inspiring photos, statues, flowers,
stones, shells—whatever arouses your sense of beauty, wonder, and the sacred.
This is certainly not necessary, but it can help create a mood and remind you
of what you love.
Unless you feel enriched by meditation, you will not
continue. It’s hard to feel enriched if you get mechanical, if you practice out
of guilt, if you judge yourself for not progressing, or if you lock into the
grim sense that “I’m on my own.” One of the best ways to avoid these traps is
to practice with others. You might look for an existing meditation class with a
teacher, or find a few friends who are interested in sharing the experience
together.
If you are able, attending a weekend or weeklong
residential retreat will deepen your practice as well as your faith in your own
capacity to become peaceful and mindful. This is a wonderful time to be
practicing meditation! Meditators have a growing pool of resources—CDs, books,
podcasts, teachers, and fellow meditators—to support and accompany them as they
walk this path.
The most important thing to remember is your commitment to practice “no matter what,”
even if it’s for just a few moments out of your day. As one of my students put
it recently, “Just having those moments to be quiet is a gift to my soul.” It is a gift to the soul. Stepping out of
the busyness, stopping our endless pursuit of getting somewhere else—even if
it’s just one minute at a time—is perhaps the most beautiful offering we can
make to our spirit.
Adapted from Tara’s upcoming book, True Refuge – Finding Peace and Freedom in your Own Awakened Heart (Bantam, Feb, 2013)
For more information on Tara Brach go to: www.tarabrach.com